Don't Watch with your Mouth Full

I guess I don't get out much. Dine-in movie theatres have been on the scene for years, but my husband and I just had our first experience yesterday. It was a belated anniversary date that we planned back in the winter when we saw the promo poster for IronMan 2. "Ooh, I know, let's go see IronMan 2 in the lux level for our anniversary!" Feel free to laugh, everyone else has. Watching from the lux level and eating during the show seemed like a fun way to jazz up the date, but yesterday as I put on one of my favorite skirts I thought, "Hmmm, lunch in the dark...should I bring the Tide-to-go pen?"

We felt pretty special as we ascended the staircase to the lux level. The host brought us to a pair of comfy leather chairs (a definite upgrade over regular theatre seating) that had small tables about the size of an airplane tray table. As I perused the menu, I found myself sizing up meals based on mess-factor and whether they would need to be cut. I'm not sure I trust myself with a knife in the dark. As I narrowed down the selections, I tried to decide what would go with a Robert Downey Jr. movie. Something about eating fried food watching Downey chiseled down to an IronMan physique didn't seem quite right.

My husband settled on a Cuban sandwich, and I opted for the grilled tandoori pizza with proscuitto (something I generally don't like to eat in the light), tomatoes, mozzarella and brie (those last three things I'd eat in the day or in the night, in a house, with a mouse, on a train, in the rain)...and a drizzle of balsamic vinegar. The food arrived just as the lights were getting dimmer. I looked at that balsamic vinegar, and I looked at my skirt, and I was a little scared. That said, I had no trouble getting the food to my mouth in the dark, which doesn't really surprise me.

And then the movie started, and this disgustingly grimy man appeared on-screen. Greasy hair, dirty fingernails, and a face that just creeped me out. Ugh, my stomach churned, and I put down my pizza. As the opening credits ran, I realized that there would be an issue larger than the lack of light. Mickey. Rourke. Now this man is a good actor, but he completely skeeves me out. I see him, and I think, "You. Bath. Now." I had been waiting for this movie for months -- how did I not know he was in it? And more importantly, would my deliciously gooey entree go to waste? I formulated a plan -- eat during the Downey and Cheadle scenes, drink beer during the Rourke scenes. Occasionaly I was caught off-guard when Rourke appeared while I was finishing a bite, but I kept everything down.

And, my skirt made it through, vinegar-free.

Learning as We Go

As I drove to a nearby hospital to teach a writing workshop, I began thinking about how the course's concept related to parenting. The workshop helps nurses complete a professional portfolio through several pieces of writing that demonstrate where their levels of practice reside. The concept behind the portfolio is based on the book, "From Novice to Expert: Excellence and Power in Clinical Nursing Practice," by Patricia Benner, RN, PhD. Benner first introduced the idea that nurses learn how to be nurses by -- are you ready? -- being nurses. It's not that she thinks nurses don't need formal education, but she believes that a nurses' experiences shape them as clinicians and guide future actions and decision-making. I'd argue that the same theory holds true for moms and dads.

Here goes...

Criteria: Demonstrates foresight in anticipating patient/unit (child!) problems
-The novice parent hears crying and finds her toddler engaged in battle with another toddler. "Mine!" they both shout as they tug on the same toy. The parent tries to distract her child with another toy while gingerly extracting her kid's fingers from the other kid's hair.
-The expert parent asks the child to put anything in the closet that he doesn't want to share during a playdate. And then the parent hides any toys that could be used as weapons and all the markers that are non-washable.

Criteria: Is proactive in addressing patient (child!) needs
-The novice parent arrives at an appointment without an extra diaper, snacks and toys only to find that the doctor is running an hour late.
-The expert parent needs weekly chiropractor appointments to correct the bulging discs resulting from regularly carrying diapers, water, goldfish, granola bars, board books, crayons, wind-up toys, dolls, etc.

Criteria: Serves in a formal or informal leadership role
-The novice parent exhibits a deer-in-the-headlight look upon returning home with his/her firstborn. The novice parent does know enough to call the expert parent, also known as Grandma, to come for a visit.

Criteria: Role models the value of ongoing learning
-Too overwhelmed with parenting duties, the novice parent is too tired to read and instead watches television to unwind.
-The expert parent escapes from the house through the convenient excuse of "It's book group night!"

Criteria: Encourages the participation of others in learning opportunities
-The novice parent can't imagine her babies leaving home.
-The expert parent counts the days until summer vacation ends.

Criteria: Capable of organizing and coordinating multiple patient care and unit operational issues in an effective and efficient manner
-The novice parent's home has dusty stacks of mail, spit-up rags under the couch, and an interesting green puddle on the bottom shelf of the fridge.
-The expert parent made lunch, got a child off to school, answered urgent emails via Blackberry, put chicken in the slow cooker for dinner, picked up the dry cleaning, went to the bank, coordinated the school's car wash, attended a work meeting, and finished three loads of laundry. And managed to squeeze in an episode of "Real Housewives of New Jersey."

So you see, we're better at this parenting thing then the first time we walked through our front doors with those wrinkly beings strapped into infant seats. And as the years go on and new challenges crop up, we'll continue to hone those skills even though we might feel like pulling our hair out at times. As Benner's title indicates... from novice to expert...excellence and power. Sure, in this case the kids actually have the power, but you gotta admit, the parenting thing is pretty excellent.