When the November issue of Field & Stream slid through my mail slot last week, I wondered how on earth I had become the target demographic for "the world's leading outdoor magazine." With headlines such as "7 Days You Must Hunt This Fall" and "Flush Roosters in Any Cover" it was a far cry from my preferred magazine topics "7 Wardrobe Updates This Fall" and "Flush Editors in Any Cover." I laughed about it. I Facebooked about it. And then I forgot about it.
Until I got the October issue arrived this week.
Never mind that we're less than a week away from December (isn't it horribly late for a "Welcome to Deer Camp" main feature?) now I was getting worried. Especially when I looked more closely and noticed the SEP10 printed on the mailing label. Oh man, a whole year of deer hanging by their antlers on the cover and recipes like Wild Turkey Potpie and Venison and Pumpkin Curry...
When I called Field & Stream, the sympathetic customer service rep said that it was a complementary one-year subscription from Home and Beyond and then gave me an 800 number to call to cancel it. Home and Beyond...it rang a bell. I ordered two sets of Rubbermaid shelf systems for the garage from Home and Beyond via Amazon.com. Lovely shelves. But why on earth would they come with a subscription to Field & Stream? It's not like I ordered a gun rack. Or a make-your-own-sausage kit (which yes, is available in the Field & Stream classifieds).
I called the 800 number only to connect with ValueMags -- ah yes, the "world's most parasitic magazine subscription company" (my quote, not theirs). Once they have you in their grips, they're not letting go. Better learn to love venison stew.
"Thank you for calling ValueMags. All of our operators are currently busy. Please press 1 to hold, 2 to leave a message." Ha ha. Leave a message? Ha ha. As I spent 13 minutes on hold, my son stayed by my side, offering moral support for phone queue hell by affixing Thanksgiving stickers to me and saying, "You're the Thanksgiving turkey, but you won't get cooked." Twenty-seven stickers (26 shirt, 1 forehead) later, 'Angela' cancelled my subscription, explaining that I may get a few more before it is finally cancelled. That's fine, I've been looking for a good recipe for mallard pudding.
